The principles to be followed before entering into an inter-caste marriage:
Recognise birth as purely accidental: none knows and do not understand the reason for our birth, the place of birth and the parents to whom we should be born or the conditions like gender, material conditions, etc. However, parties to the marriage must know the purpose why they want to marry.
What is the purpose of (inter-caste) marriage when the majority strictly goes for same caste marriage? Be clear that nobody wants to marry for society’s sake except for social approval. However, marriage has serious implications that extend beyond personal purview. It may be highly personal in its mechanism but social in nature. Hence the Bride, the Groom and the relatives involved must have deep understanding of the purpose of marriage institution. Global Action takes the responsibility to educate them on the issue.
The responsibility of the couple increases manifold if it would like to marry against the wishes of the parents. They ought to know that initial crush or attraction cannot be a proper ground for marriage. So both the bride and groom have to necessarily follow certain regimen prescribed by Global Action.
All in the process must understand the ramification of such marriage to the prospective couples in particular and the society in general. Many marriages conducted following all formalities and shastric injunctions fail but we here the oft-repeated trope: ‘I know inter-caste marriages won’t succeed’! Global Action tries to elucidate the issues for the information of the prospective couples.
The couple and its supporters must understand the peculiarities of the institution marriage and some understanding of what is love. Both are indicated below.
The couple must give undertaking that the marriage will be a social marriage (unless both agree to a particular type of religious one) without any religious rituals but will include some marriage vows; the couple may modify these vows duly keeping the basic principles intact.
Peculiarities of marriage: It is, perhaps the only institution where in:
The greatest adjustment and greatest compromise are demanded.
You must change all our personal things – trivial dress to vital principles.
You share the same bed but dream, almost always, different dreams.
You don't like how our parents conducted themselves but end up imitating them.
You make so many vows, which are normally unrealistic and impracticable.
It is the cause for the self-inflicted suffering of both wife and husband.
Possessiveness is the worst form of violence but we cling on to it zealously.
You win by losing, as what we actually lose is the ego not the inner personality.
Opposite ends, like in a fulcrum, are important to make a system function.
Made for each other mean not duplicates but celebration of dissimilarities.
In times of faltering (trivial eating to vital fidelity) greatest love is called for.
You are expected to love ever, more so when s/he is unable to love you.
You get social license for sexual relations but ends as coalescence of soul.
Dependence and independence must metamorphose into interdependence.
You expect life is open book but keep secrets which makes life real.
Only when one recognizes, accepts and try to practice these and many other incongruent congruencies as the relation unfolds despite repeated failures marriages really succeed. Are you ready? If so let’s try to have a modicum of clarity of what is love.
What’s Love?
You like me as I’m saintly: it isn’t love but crazy devotion.
You like me as I’m handsome: it isn’t love but fascination.
You like me as I’m a leader: it isn’t love but, to obey, motivation.
You like me as I’m powerful: it isn’t love but for help, anticipation.
You like me as I can dispense favors: it isn’t love but expectation.
You like me as I like your ideas: it isn’t love but friends’ association.
You like me as I have concern for you: it isn’t love but reciprocation.
You like me as I help you: it isn’t love but gratitudinal recognition.
You like me as I’m a perfect person: it isn’t love but admiration.
You like me as I’m a good person: it isn’t love but approbation.
You like me as I’m innocent; it isn’t love but kind compassion.
You like me as I’m a dutiful spouse; it isn’t love but validation.
You like me as I’m a fine parent; it isn’t love but learnt self-preservation.
You like me as I’m a nice friend; it isn’t love but a deep relation.
You like me as I’m artist or connoisseur: it isn’t love but appreciation.
Then, what’s Love?
Is it the intuitive concern expressed in action with no expectation?
Is it ineffable mix of fancy, liberty-in-slavery, and detached-clinging?
If it’s expressed it ceases to be love; if not, it frustrates the beloved!